Switzerland

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Switzerland.

Here's a country that holds a special place in my heart and many an Indian child labourer toiling away in a sweltering 47 degree celsius sweatshop in Punjab, wishes she were living the good life in this alpine heavenly dreamland.

I went to Geneva, Interlaken and very briefly to Zurich.

Geneva in 2008. Sunny, flowers in bloom, old altbau buildings 4 stories tall and narrow streets lined with compact cars. Grand lakeside hotels, Rolls-Royce's and Bentley's. Its clean its exclusive, yet here and there a recurring theme a Tibetan flag is draped out the window of someone's apartment. Clearly the Swiss have invited lots of Tibetans to settle in Switzerland. One worker at my Interlaken hostel (Balmer's Herberge) was a Tibetan. He drank beer and cussed about the Chinese. What did the guests make of this angry dwarf? I don't know but he knew how to access the porn channel on the satellite TV. He'd sit in the common room feet up on the table fingering the remote and swilling back european beer. I'm envious of this guy. Sure he'd be on minimum wage, sure his whole family is missing, but he gets to live in Switzerland.

The two girls in the Geneva supermarket. I'm at the checkout line. They are chatting loudly in line behind me. One ready to pay holds a 500 Euro bank note. I couldn't believe that such a heavy note existed and I exclaimed as much to her. She was really unfriendly. Lesson one: (Apart from my general anti charismatic loser magnetic field aura that I pervade) The Swiss are fanatically private people - despite their nude hiking. When it comes to money, the Swiss keep their business to themselves and their mouths shut. By the way Swiss are good looking people, from the centre of Western Europe, and the Swiss girls are extremely attractive. Usually their daddy's are rich, so I recommend you marry a Swiss girl - especially if her dad owns a brewery, or a bank. A Swiss bank. HAHA!

They use the Swiss Franc, not the Euro. Switzerland is Neutral. So when I went hiking in the hills and mountains around Interlaken I was not surprised to find the tell-tale signs and hallmarks of strategic defence built into the very mountains. Concrete objects jut out of the earth and the occasional air vent protrudes from a forest covered hillside. The Swiss have built massive bunkers into their terrain since I think the 1800's. I go on the train and I see swiss teenagers dressed in military camo uniforms but sloppily turned out - even wearing an earring while in uniform, and get this: Carrying an assault rifle in his hand on the train. He sits down and listens to his ipod. Other Swiss teenagers get on the train: They are carrying machine guns too.

There are some immigrants. The world has 6 billion souls, 2 billion are chinese and 1.1 billion are Indian. So the girl behind the counter at the Swiss McDonalds who's going to take your order for a "Royal with Cheese" is an Indian.

The mountains are very beautiful. What's a loser like me doing in this paradise? I kept saying to myself. I was incredulous, I couldn't believe Id successfully made my way to this paradise. Id felt as though something was going to stop me getting there, some bad luck would befall me and id live my whole life without ever seeing this place, but when I got to Switzerland I couldn't believe my luck and best of all Switzerland met my expectations. It really is that beautiful and good.