August 22, 2009 I'M NOT BRAVE! I thought I've found it but now I'm lost again. After this one year of traveling, how frightening it is to find myself still the same old person, all the inspirations and determinations I've had seems to lose their grounds when the date of returning home is getting closer. I am not so sure about anything anymore.
11th July 2009 People suffer because they don't accept who they are, where they are and what they have. I enjoy being myself now. Learning to live at the moment and not to be disturbed by the past and distracted by the future. People think too much sometimes. All we need is love... Love yourself more and Love others.
July 9, 2009 Hitchhiking...Pampaneira to Granada 80km picked up by black man from Senegal Granada to Madrid 450km by two homosexual men Madrid to Burgos 300km by a Spanish couple Luis and Joanna Burgos to León 200 km by David, a 34-year-old Spanish guy
June 21, 2009 So I finally met this guy and I am with him now. He is driving me crazy. I have never felt so in love and yet very lost and scared before. His philosophy of love, value of life are frightening me. At some point, I can totally agree with every word he says but very often what he says is undermining my beliefs and makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don´t know why I have this feeling. He is forcing me to look deep down at myself and I am scared, I don't know what I want. Should I stay with him or should I go? I need someone to talk to but at the same time I don't want to hear no more from people, I can't hear my heart anymore. How could someone be so lost when in love? What is love? And what does it mean when he says everybody should have pure love among each other? I don't know how to love a person who is in love with everybody else. I am so fucked up!
June 2, 2009 There are certain kinds of feeling that makes me feel really stupid from time to time and yet I can't help it every time it comes. I thought I could have overcomed it and taken it easily but... I guess I am as stupid as I used to be. Getting old doesn't make me wiser. I can't think of anything but a person who I barely know. I don't want to do anything but waiting to be close to that person. Nothing interests me but his words. 4 more days to go... but then what? It might just be another imagination of mine.
May 4, 2009 AlicanteMy first ride on a convertible- red.
20th April 2009 AndaluciaI just finished my two-week visit to Andalucía, It was so intense that I feel like it’s already been two months. My first stop was Pampaneira, it is small whitewashed village built on the beautiful Alpujarras mountain district in Southern Spain. I found this guy living there from the Internet. I just wrote him and asked for a place to stay for three nights and he was ok with it. So there I was, in his magical antique house on top of the steep slope. There was no one in the house when I arrived, so I opened the door with the key hid behind a brick of the wall. I unloaded my heavy backpack after more than 12 hour bus journey, then I couldn’t wait for the presence of the owner to take a long hot shower. The house was very old but it was simple, clean and tidy. I was a bit nervous and yet excited to meet this guy. Finally we met and the magic happened, we were so in love with each other from the first night and then for the following two days, we passed all our time laughing, kissing and hugging. He was truly romantic. He would give me all kind of presents he found in the mountain like flowers, herbs, rocks and crystals. Almost everything in his fridge was homemade, yogurt, marmalade, mayonnaise, etc. He even raised chicken for the meat and hens for their eggs. He took me on his motorbike to see the chicken, then we spent the afternoons picnicking on the green soft slope, drinking from the clear cold river, taking naps under the sun. He brought me to a small quarter he built with wood and glass on the neglected side of the mountain where there was absolutely no one else but only an enormous sea of stars and a big bright moon. Then I left for Granada, a city famous for its flamenco, tapas and Islamic historical legacy. I was picked up by Pedro’s mother and her friend in a big black Volkswagen. I knew Pedro in Dublin, he was not in Granada during the time I visited but he was so kind to ask his mother to show me around. Her friend happened to be a prestigious tour guide who could speak English, Spanish, French, Italian and Japanese and had guided the visits of some foreign royal families. We saw the Alhambra from Albayzin at night and then we went for great tapas. I met Filippo, Alfonso and Isaac the next day. They gave me a big shock when they appeared with their gigantic Tosas, Japanese fighting dogs. Alfonso was one of the two Tosa breeders in Spain. Everywhere we went, the small dogs were barking, people were looking at us with curiosity and admiration. The Tosas were surprisingly calm and well behaved. I used to be really scared of dogs but these dogs were just adorable. They had great characters, modest and obedient even under their dominated size. Alfonso let me take the leash of the dog on the street, it was a wonderful experience. Afterwards, with great tapas and beer, I had a long deep talk with Alfonso about dogs training. Córdoba served as a nice detour between Granada and Sevilla, Vanessa was my host and turned out to be a great one. She welcomed me with a homemade lunch and then showed me a bit of the city. I told Vanessa I was a lazy tourist, I hadn’t done any research before I came, I didn’t know where to go or what to see, I didn’t even have a camera to take photos with. She was surprised to know that I didn’t visit the Gaza pyramid when I was in Egypt. That’s how I am, the more I travel, the less tourist attractions I go. It’s usually the people I met give me great impression about the place rather than the lifeless place itself. At night, we went out for a nice Andalusian dinner with her American schoolmates. It was the first time I knew someone who was actually bisexual and had an open relationship with any boys and girls. What a complicated world I am living in. Then I met Eduardo in Sevilla. Edu was a typical Spanish playboy, he told me everything about drug and how good it feels with sex, it was very generous of him offering me a place in his bed that night, but I kindly refused, I don’t want to be a subject among his causal acquaintances. Maybe I was uninteresting to him, he kicked me out the next day. So I had to call my other contact Jesus, he was a 36 year old man in the publicity business. He gave me a key to his home because he had to leave for another city for a business meeting. He came back on Friday afternoon and introduced me to his friends in trendy business attire. We spent the whole Friday afternoon hopping from bar to pub, beer to gin tonic. I left before the party began. I felt so out of place with my bulky white impermeable jacket and running shoes. A stranger offered me a ride downtown when I was having a walk in the village where I stayed. I didn’t expect that so I didn’t have time to think before I hopped on his car, I did have a moment of worry but his friendly smile and generosity defeated me. Maybe I should try hitchhiking someday. That would be a whole new experience of traveling. Sevilla is a like glamorous, sophisticated and heavily perfumed woman. Either you like it or hate it. And I like it.
February 2, 2009 Tai Chi I really think I should contribute more to this place so I offered to clean up the whole living area. I started by dusting the antique furniture, then vacuuming the sofas, killing some cobwebs and finished by washing the floor. It was a good five hour exercise. Then I helped Judy to prepare lunch, she taught me how to make potato soup and banana bread. I would love to learn more from her..There was tai chi class every Wednesday night and so I went. It was taught by a funny Spanish guy who also practiced Qigong. He was amused to see a Chinese girl in his class and find that she knew nothing about Chinese martial art. Dinner usually started at 10pm and it tends to be light. We had soup, toast bread, chorizo and cheese last night then we all sat down by the fireplace and watched some Spanish tv before I went to bed. Teaching English Judy asked me if I wanted to accompany her to teach local kids English and I said ok. It’s been half a year since I stepped into a classroom as a teacher. There were six kids aged 6 to 13. Looking at them reminded me of my students in Hong Kong except that they are Spanish but kids are the same everywhere. I invented some games for them and they seemed to enjoy them. Competitions and treats always work with kids or even adults. The whole experience just reminded me of my old job. It was fun to teach and play with kids every now and then but teaching and struggling with them every day is too much for me. Mini Concert Paolo and his musician friend from Barcelona gave us a mini concert at dinner in the guesthouse. Paolo was a friend of Judy, I met him in the yoga class the other night and later learnt that he is a crafter who makes string musical instruments. I don’t think I knew anybody in my life that makes musical instrument nor had I at least wondered who actually make those instruments before. Paolo brought his cello and his friend a lab viola. Their music was so touching that Judy almost cried and we were all so peaceful and quite. It was definitely my pleasure to be there though the Paolo and his friend insisted to take it theirs. Hiking in the snow It turned out the Tai chi teacher is also a rock climber and an adventurer. He asked if I wanted to go for a walk after lunch and of course I said yes. But then I realized it’s far more than just a causal afternoon walk when he was driving me up the snowy hill. My boots were stuck in the snow when I stepped out of the car. It would be my first walk in real thick snow. Walking in the snow was like walking in the sand except it took twice the effort. I was trying hard to keep my pace up to his. When I was resting my breath, I saw him jumping over a fence, oh my god, where were we going, I didn’t bother to ask him because I wouldn’t be able to understand him anyway, I just kept walking, the whole world was so bright that it made me dizzy and short of breath. Fence after fence, we finally reached a church at the top of the hill, it was amazing. When you thought you were going nowhere, there was a church in front of you. God always appears when the most unexpected. From the top of the hill, he showed me the whole picture of Quiros and tried to give me a geography lesson of the area, other than nodding my head, I didn’t know what else to do in the cold. We went back to the church for his roll of tobacco and a shelter from the cold. Walking downhill was a different thing, I was a bit cautious at first but then he pulled me along and I let myself go, it was so much fun. Excursion Everyone was talking about going to the sea last night and so seven of us went for an excursion today. Juan Carlo drove his big van to pick everybody up at ten and we got to the sea by half eleven. we then hiked up the rock and tried to get a closer look of the sea on the cliff, it was a bit windy and I felt myself rocking, Alberto the climber was already at the top waving to everybody. The sea was roaring so loud and the waves so high. The rocks were fiercely shaped into monstrous statues. My feet wobbled and I was happy to go down. It was not easy to find a restaurant because most of them closed for low season but thanks for a local kind man we managed to satisfy our basic human need before we continued the day. Lunch was unexpectedly good. I mistook the first course as the only course and I ate so much that I could barely finish the second course and sadly I had to sacrifice the dessert. I don’t think they had a planned schedule for the excursion , it seemed quite random to me that we arrived at an amazing small village by the sea after lunch, I wish I could remember the name of it. The whole village was like a theatre with houses built on different levels of the hill encircling the little plaza in the middle. I was picturing myself living there as an audience observing the Spanish way of life on the stage. A Dinner to Remember Alberto invited us for dinner at his home. His house was built up in the mountain where only two people are residing, him and a huge American dude. Fifteen years ago after his divorce, Alberto came to the mountain of Quiros searching for his own self. He spent three years building the house, piece by piece, as if he was trying to construct a whole new persona out of him. It’s amazing to see how much effort and determination he put on the project. Everything piece of stone, brick, wood and glass was so securely and yet comfortably put together. I couldn’t believe myself being in such a beautiful house built solely by this person in front of me. I guess it was the marriage and about finding new direction for life after an intense project, Alberto fell into depression for the last two years, locking himself and his poor old German shepherd up until he met Judy and Juan Carlos, he stepped out of his house again. Alberto always seems happy and energetic, it’s hard to believe he has a miserable past. Now he was opening his house for us and that was a special night for all of us. We are obviously from different worlds and generation, not to mention the fact that we speak different languages but we seemed to share some kind of similarities and enjoy each other’s acquaintance. Dinner was absolutely wonderful and out of expectation. Appetizer was freshly cut jamón from an entire pig leg on a rack. We then had mussels for the first course. It was very clever of him to use the top of the fireplace as an oven. The sizzling sound and the smell of sea salt overwhelmed the house and thickened our saliva. He cooked the same way with the next dish which was a big pot of fish buried in a big pile of salt. It was just perfect. Dessert was home made apple sauce with cheese. Then tea was served, the light was dim, music was on and I was so sleepy and almost went dreaming of living my life like that every day. I needed some fresh air to wake myself up, Alberto took us for a walk and again it turned out more than just a causal walk. The road was muddy and the sky was cloudy that night. It was too dark to see the path and watch my step, we were complaining and he was laughing. I had no idea where I was and where he was taking us to, we just tried hard to keep up with him. Then I heard somebody saying something like cemetery and I started to feel a bit creepy but I still couldn’t see anything. Finally I saw a big tree and realized we were on top of a slope, underneath was a valley where the houses were. I could spot a few stars from behind the clouds. I took a deep breathe, feeling relieved and contented. Alberto laid his jacket by the tree and let us sit on it, then he lit up a tobacco roll. We didn’t need a word to understand each other at that moment. It was almost one by the time we got back to the house, but I demanded for another cup of tea, I don’t know if I was really thirsty or I didn’t want to end the night or a little of both. We sat by the fireplace and started talking, I tried to comprehend their conversation for a while but then I totally immersed to the atmosphere, what they were talking about didn’t really matter to me at all as long as I was enjoying myself. Sometimes I think we spend most of the time pleasing others and tend to forget our own feeling. It’s important to have a moment truthfully to ourselves and I managed to find it somehow. Blackout My last night in Quiros was also Irene’s birthday so we had a party or better say a feast. Food was expectedly fantastic, I started to believe everyone in Spain can cook. Juan Carlos made vegetable lasagna that charmed everyone. There was an electricity blackout after dinner in the area and I found out two days later that was caused by a terrible storm that hit Europe and killed dozens. But that night, nobody was paying attention to that, we lit some candles and continued the party, Paolo played me a farewell song with his cello and that almost made me cried. It was sad to say goodbye to all the great people you just made friends with. But life is a journey and you have to move on. You keep the old friends in your memory and meet some new ones on the road. I am grateful to all the great people I met in my life and knowing that I was once in their lives. A Conversation with a Philosopher I was in Madrid again waiting for my flight to Valencia the next day. Luis was in Brazil but he let me stay in his apartment in Madrid for a night or as long as I want he said. He shared the apartment with other four. I was a bit worried because I was not sure if there would be anybody in the flat letting me in but then Diego, Luis’ cousin and one of this flatmates, texted me saying my home is your home “mi casa es tu casa” that made me feel secured again. They were having their “siesta” when I got there, I felt a bit awkward at first in a flat full of men but everyone seemed undisturbed by my presence and continued to do their own things as if I were not there and that encouraged me to treat myself like home, anyway I was too tired to be self conscious then. There was one guy called Alex who could speak the most English so I started talking to him. I asked why he could speak such good English and he told me a little story about himself. He was so into philosophy and he even went to university to study it but he thought philosophy was more than only theories and readings, it was about real life application so he dropped out one year later, went to England desiring to analyze life in a whole new spectrum. He spent three years in England living a rat’s life, he worked different kinds of jobs and he said he didn’t care what jobs he did because life was not about jobs but it’s about life and he was not the same person after those three years and he told me what happened to you today was the result of what you did before. Anyway, I didn’t totally understand him but he was an interesting person to talk to, he was so articulate and confident and seemed not to care what others think about him. It made me sound stupid when I asked him what kind of job he was looking for and he said he was not worry about finding a job and he didn’t care what job he did. Then we started to talk about music. I am amused by myself sometimes especially when I am trying to build up a conversation on a topic I know nothing about with somebody who knows everything about it. Alex was so patient with my ignorance about music and he even helped me download some songs to my iPod from his 9000 songs in his music bank. I am still discovering the songs he gave me.
January 15 2009 From Dublin to Asturias After some months in Dublin, life has become static and uninteresting. When things start to settle and become predictable, restlessness awakens from the inside of me. I know it sounds ridiculous of me giving everything up after having been through so much hard time in job and flat hunting, but… no, there is no but… only because I am an ungrateful and selfish wretch who enjoy one moment of success, take all the pleasure and then walk away. It took only 2 hours to fly to Madrid but the flight to Asturias was not due until next morning. I had to find a nice spot to spend my night at Barajas and I was told to look for a long bench without armrest in a dim corner. It was in fact the first time I actually slept in a public area, it took me some courage to really lay myself down and close my eyes. I didn’t sleep well and I think nobody could as there were loud PA announcements every now and then warning people not to smoke at the airport. I guess they did it on purpose. My flight took off in the middle of snow just before the airport shut down. I learnt from the news later on that it was the biggest snow in Madrid for the last few decades. I got luck sometimes. After hours of waiting at the airport and the bus station, buses after flights, I finally arrived at the guesthouse situated in a remote village deep in the mountains. I couldn’t help wondering if anyone would take all the trouble to check in the guesthouse, but as soon as I met Judy and Juan Carlos, the owners as well as my hosts, my doubts vanished at once. They are a wonderful couple and their guesthouse is just amazing. Judy is an American from Colorado, she is a culinary trained chef as well as an adventure tour guide. She met Juan Carlos on a hiking trip in Camino de Santiago 15 years ago and then somehow they decided to turn their interests and hobbies into a business. The guesthouse is situated in a small village up on the hill surrounded by ranges of mountain. Every window frames the stunning view of snowy mountain caps looming over scattered cottage houses on the green slope. Each corner is tastefully decorated with antique and stylish furniture from different part of Spain. The salon houses a library of books that allow you to spend numerous afternoons crouching on the sofa by the fireplace with your tea. I didn’t expect my room to be one of the ensuite double rooms in the guesthouse because this is a work exchange deal which I offer my labour and skills and get a bed and meals in return but it seemed I was getting more than I could offer. Judy and Juan Carlos even brought me two extra heaters worrying I would not be warm enough at night. I fell asleep as soon as I felt the softness of the mattress.
A Whole New Day The first ever touch of snowfall, the long lost smell of burning logs and fresh brew coffee, it was just a wonderful morning to wake up to. I finally had a moment of ease and peace. Life is still beautiful after all. I spent the morning looking up the contact information of some travel agencies in the nearby area which Judy can send her e-brochure to. It was a light duty except that I had to do it in Spanish. Lunch is considered the biggest meal of the day and it usually starts at 2 or 3 pm. Judy and Juan Carlos’ friends brought over a traditional Asturian dish called fabada which is made of beans, chorizo, and morcilla but it is the expensive bits of saffron that gives it the bright orange color. The lunch lasted for a whole three hours over Spanish conversations which I wish I could understand a word and they indeed tried their best to help my wish come true. Anna exploited all her body languages to communicate with me and she liked me so much that she invited me to her house in Gijon to meet her daughter who could speak English while Irene exercised all her patience to explain the conjugation of Spanish verbs to me. I just love all these people. The party dismissed at eight and I went to bed at nine.
Nice Neighbours, Nice Food Judy went out for a walk in the morning so I took my initiative to clean the kitchen. It is a grand and well organized kitchen with two ovens, four sinks and all kinds of cooking appliances, some of them I’ve never seen before. I was so curious that I opened all the cupboards, took everything out and cleaned them. I actually enjoyed doing it because I used to spend plenty of time in kitchen when I have nothing else to do. At around 2pm, our neighbours José Luis and his wife came over for lunch and they brought us bread made of the wheat handpicked from their fields, meat slaughtered from the cattle they raised and rice pudding made of fresh milk squeezed from their cows. The food was incredible. It seems people like the fact that I can eat everything and they like to bring me all sorts of food to try. They find it unbelievable for such a small figure like me can eat so much. They enjoyed feeding me up and laughed about it. I once told José Luis I loved his rice pudding a lot and he brought me that pudding three days in a row. I guess he thinks I am one of his pigs.
Oviedo Juan Carlos had some business to do in Oviedo one day and asked if I wanted to go with him. Of course I’d love to but I was a bit worried at the same time because he doesn’t speak much English and I don’t speak Spanish. Anyway, I know my way home. Oviedo is the capital city of Asturias and Juan Carlos told me that Woody Allen loved it so much that he filmed two movies there. I know nothing about the city but it looked beautiful enough for me. We had a nice brief walk around the city after the bank and post office. The office hours in Spain are from 9am to 2pm, 5pm to 8pm if I understood correctly. Spanish people really know how to live their lives. A whole three hours for lunch and afternoon nap! To live the Spanish life to the fullest, we had lunch for three hours that day. We saw a Chinese restaurant and we decided to go in. I was surprised they didn’t have a Chinese menu so Juan Carlos had to explain to me what's there but I couldn’t quite get it. I asked the waitress to pick for me. The food served in delicate portion but with great variety, it was actually not bad and Juan Carlos loved it. We had so much fun playing with the chopsticks because it was the first time Juan Carlos ever used chopsticks and he was so excited he finally made it. In order to thank me for teaching him how to use chopsticks, he insisted on teaching me how to count the numbers in Spanish on the way back. It was a whole hour ride and I had nightmare with all those numbers that night.
January 5th 2009. Had a farewell party with friends I know and I don’t know in Dublin last night and walked myself home at 3am again which I hope would be the last time. Saying goodbye has become easier and easier for me over time. With family, friends, strangers, faces come and go in your life, I learnt to move on and somehow forget. I still remember when we were all very small how hard my brother cried every Chinese New Year when we parted with our grandparents in China. I don’t remember since when he hasn’t cried anymore. I am leaving Dublin in 5 days. The road ahead is still blocked with uncertainties and misted over with unrealistic expectations. I had a wonderful picture in mind before I came here but none of them painted out right. I was abandoned and discouraged at the least expected situation but then I was welcomed and heartened by the most unexpected people. We learnt not to cry at farewell but we never learn to give up false expectations. Do we ever know that it’s the unexpected that makes our lives memorable and the uncertainties help us grow? I hate the question “where do you see yourself in ten years time?” when asked at interviews. I am telling you now that I am having a luscious Christmas dinner with my two adorable children and my handsome husband by a fireplace in a cozy cottage house in Norway. I might probably give you a different answer tomorrow. An indecisive person like me self changes vision every day and I guess that’s what makes my life a little harder. I enjoy being tortured by “What if…” and “I should have…” and I guess that’s what’s going to make me a loser. I am so full of crap.
January 1, 2009 Happy New YearDublin is a multicultural city where you can find people from all over the world. Polish is the dominant foreign national in Ireland; they have their own newspaper, pubs, bakery and even a whole food section in TESCO just for them. Many Irish do not like Polish because they said the Polish people take away their jobs and most Polish do not give a shit to the Irish people because they think they make a lot of contribution to the country. Beside Polish, there are also people from Slovakia, Hungary, Moldova, Romania, Lithuania, Brazil and of course China. In a city like this, it’s easy to meet people who are genuinely nice to you and I guess that’s because we all share emphatic emotions towards one another as a foreigner came to a new country trying to find our ways. Everyone has their own stories to tell but nobody dares to dig it deep. People ask each other names, where from, what you do and that can keep the conversation going on all night with different people but the same topics. You have to repeat yourself however as many times as you are asked, even if the person has asked you before, they tend to ask you again, hey who cares to remember your name and country after all. I spent my New Year Eve with a bunch of people I barely know but we all had a great time welcoming the New Year with all the new people we just met and most likely will never see again. But I will certainly miss them.
December 27th, 2008 DublinThe first week in Dublin has been long and stressful. It would be easier if I were here only for a few days checking out all the tourist spots and go home with victorious souvenirs to show off. Life would be a lot easier if you knew it's going to be short and you did not have to commit anything to it but only to enjoy every moment of it. I am not here to travel for leisure. I am here to maximize a year experiencing a different way of life in a foreign country. It may sound a bit of a cliché, but I can still afford it when I am young.
Ireland is an unreasonably expensive place to live any yet people from all parts of the world are flocking in. A room shared with someone else in Dublin can easily cost 350 euro or more a month. Finding your pace and surviving in a foreign country is not easy, especially when you are on your own. I would like to think myself of strong emotional quotient though relatively low intelligence, still frustration and exhaustion drag you down after some unsuccessful job hunting and desperate house searching and you have nobody to count on or even just to talk to. Then you started to wonder why you were doing this when you could have lived a much more comfortable and easy life at home. And this is the moment you need to exercise your EQ and for me is to stop thinking too much, just put my feet up, watch tv and then go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
After ten stressful days in a crammed hostel, I found a nice house where I shared with three other people from Austria, Serbia and Czech Republic and eight days after, I started my first job in a takeaway 15 min walk from the house and on the same day I got my second job as a personally assistant to a builder. I was very lucky to get those two jobs by just making two phone calls but the problem is I had never really worked before and I made some lies about my experience in the interview. You have no idea how guilty I was when I looked at those lifeless stainless steel machines in the takeaway pretending I knew them for all my life. I was sweating when trying to understand orders from those drunken Irish. My eyes were dazzled by all those keys on the till when I hadn’t even figured out the currency yet. But what could be worse than working with a jumpy and heavy-accent Irish builder. First of all, I had not a slightest clue of what he was saying most of the time and the second thing is I did not know where to land my feet at the building site that he brought me to. The hopeless thing was that I did not know exactly what I had to do for my job. But who cares as long as I got paid at the end of the week.
One month later, I moved out of the house after a nightmare. A rock broke through the window of my bedroom in the middle of the night and the broken glass shattered all over my bed. The police said it was probably committed by some of the drunken kids in the area. The Irish have indeed some very serious drinking problems. The kids were abandoned in the street and in the cold very late at night while the parents were drinking their head off in the pubs and then they came by asking for extra chips with their fish. I do not have a particular good impression on Irish people if you ask me. But still I moved to a small townhouse shared with two Irish boys from the north.
In the meantime, I was torn between two jobs. I had never worked so hard before. Getting off work at half one in the morning from the chipper and waking up to another job at half six is something I would not believe myself doing it and I do not think I will do it again. I do not know how I made it but I did, well, at least for a month until my boss the builder disappeared and unofficially declared that I was fired for no reason. Then there was only one job left but life was not made easier. I constantly made mistakes at work and my Italian boss gave out on me that made me nervous and more mistakes came. I felt so stressful around her and I was even scared to go to work. I was so upset and lack of confidence. There was once she blamed me not being able to tell the difference between two fish fillets in the pan and it really annoyed me. Hey I can barely remember the face of people, how am I supposed to recognize the two stupid fillets of the same size and shape covered in batter. Be reasonable. I thought it was going to be an easy job to do but it turned out to be a specialist field that requires great memory to remember all the orders and excellent organization skill to do multiple tasks which I doubt I can ever master it.
When Christmas was just around the corner, everyone was busy with their Christmas shopping, I had a horrible feeling of being left out. I did not know what to celebrate for I did not have to buy any present for anybody or decorate the house for just my very own eyes or to learn a new Christmas dinner recipe for nobody. When I was about to give up on it, my ex-boss called one night and invited me to a Christmas party. I was totally thrilled. Partly because he was still alive. He asked me to wear something nice for it was going to be in a hotel in Galway. He said he would pick me up in a limo. I thought he was joking but he really was not. I was laughing when I saw the long vehicle and the fancy lights and sparkling champagne glasses inside the car. We stuck our heads out of the window every time we passed a town. It took three hours and 300 euro for 6 bottle of champagne and much more alcohol from each piss stop before we get to Galway. It was the only day in my life that I drank so much and my head was thudding all the way. I had two more Baileys and three more warm Christmas wine before dinner. Food was great and desserts were too generous. I wish I could finish them all. Then I was dancing with a handsome and yet a-bit-too-drunk Irish young man until 3am and went to bed in a reserved hotel room. I felt very much spoiled.
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